Have you ever walked into a room and instantly felt a force of unexplainable energy? Perhaps you suddenly felt happy, content, or at peace. Perhaps you suddenly felt a weight on your shoulders or not much like yourself. This is human energy at play.
In coaching terms, there is something called transference. This is when someone subconsciously transmits their energy into the world, and others absorb the emotions by effect. If someone is feeling particularly gloomy, their friend might start feeling sad too.
Think about the way you react to different people’s emotions. Often, we tend to mirror those around us. If someone is happy about a job promotion, buzzing with energy, we may find ourselves taking on their excited energy too, through our body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. As they get happier, we get happier, and as we get happier, they get happier, because the energy is bouncing back and forth. We feel their energy in the room, so we can’t help but join in!
The problem is that energy isn’t always positive and taking on somebody else’s negative energy can harm our own regulation of emotions.
Watch out for counter-transferring negative energy. If a friend’s sadness transfers to us, and we start to feel sad, we may then emit sadness back to them, creating a continuous cycle of amplified pain. This is often the case with anger – when someone raises their voice at us, we naturally raise our voice back. The anger is counter-transferred until a shouting match is on the cards.
It’s all about being aware and conscious of our surroundings and other people. If we feel ourselves changing as a result of someone else’s energy, we must take a step back, breathe, and stop ourselves from amplifying it. If we know the energy will increase the more we succumb to it, and we don’t like the feeling of that energy, why not resolve to change? Let that emotion wash over you. Label it for what it is, and react with a sense of internal peace.
When we walk into a room, it may be difficult to address the energy – it may feel overwhelming to contemplate how we are feeling, where it is coming from, and how we can simmer it back down – but we will feel better for it. We will learn how to control our reactions, and how to promote happier and positive spaces.
If you have to deal with an energy vampire, someone who makes you feel drained. Limit the time you spend with them, also find a way of energising yourself before you spend time with them, and if you feel drained afterwards take the time to do something that lights you up to re-energise yourself.
It also helps to ground yourself and create an invisible shield to protect yourself when you are dealing with someone who is negative and draining. If you don’t want to spend time with people like this start to set some boundaries, my blog about the power of saying no may help.
Next time you are chatting to someone you know, think about the energy they are giving off. Do they make you feel good? What is going on with their energy, and what is going on with yours?
For more tips and inspiration join my free group the coaching community – The Coaching Community.